Good news for the moment: your PACEs Connection social networking site is safe for another three months, through June, 2025, thanks to the generosity of a foundation that recently gifted PACEs Connection – via our fiscal sponsor, the National Prevention Science Coalition (NPSC) – with $10,000.
This covers for one quarter our largest expense – the fee for the learning management system (LMS) on which the social network lives.
Some of you may have noticed that on on March 6, service for PACEs Connection was interrupted by a glitch with our domain name services (DNS) provider, GoDaddy. There was a mixup on login and due date information during the asset transfer from our previous fiscal sponsor, TSNE, to our current fiscal sponsor, NPSC.
Fortunately, our learning management system, Crowdstack, provided a workaround uniform resource locator (URL) or web address, which is https://www.pacesconnection.com
You may still reach the site via our regular web address of pacesconnection.com.
In the meantime, our business plan is complete and has been well received.
The site is safe again until July 1, 2025, when the next payment of $9,534 is due. Starting this week (March 24, 2025), we are circulating the plan and looking for donors and corporate sponsorship. If you have suggestions, connections, or recommendations, please let us know!
How you can help.
Each time there has been a funding deadline, with help from you, our members, we’ve been able to nurture PACEs Connection forward and protect its valuable assets. This includes raising about $15,000 last November for a Crowdstack payment, and another $2,500 to pay for the Resources Center and its separate platform, LibGuides.
If you’ve made a donation during this challenging time, we are grateful to you. If you’ve not yet decided to make a monthly gift, or to make a one-time gift, we welcome your support now.
You are the most valuable part of PACEs Connection. We’d love the benefit of your thoughts via our PACEs Connection Members’ Survey
We hope you’ll make a donation and share information. Finding out how to make PACEs Connection more valuable to you and for you will help us engage more of our members in investing in the work of catalyzing, convening, connecting, and keeping alive the happenings and history of you, our members, and our movement.
To that end, we want to know what you want. Please share with us what you believe would help keep this movement moving forward, what’s important to you, what you would like to see more of, what you’d like for us to add to, and what you’re willing to invest on a monthly basis to help keep the work of PACEs Connection going.
Please invest about five minutes now to complete this brief survey, which gives you an opportunity to share ideas about how we could generate income. Here’s the link again: PACEs Connection Members’ Survey.
By this time next year, we’re hoping to have achieved sustainability.
Your gifts of time and treasure will help ensure you can still rely on PACEs Connection for updates, ways to connect with others doing the work in more than 500 geographic and topical communities, and our vast Resource Center.
If you’ve not visited the resource center, please check it out. It’s filled with decades of research on positive and adverse childhood experiences, the impact of positive childhood experiences (PCEs) and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), and ways of preventing and healing ACEs; ways of promoting and amplifying PCEs.
With tremendous gratitude, Carey Sipp and Dana Brown
Join action-oriented advocates for positive childhood and community experiences (PCEs) and community transformation Jeff Linkenbach, Sharon Hirsch, Carla Ritz, and Carey Sipp for a free one-hour webinar tomorrow, April 24, from 12-1 p.m. ET to learn more about how advancing the positive can help your organization grow, and your community become healthier!
CHC is a nonprofit supporting other nonprofits in their workplace giving, fundraising, volunteer, and marketing activities. More than 1,350 nonprofits partner with CHC. The mission of the organization: We exist so that every person in every community has an opportunity to live their healthiest life. (Full disclosure: I have been working at CHC as its director of nonprofit partnerships since November, 2024, in addition to volunteer work [since April, 2024] to revitalize PACEs Connection with colleague Dana Brown.)
Join us Thursday as Linkenbach, Hirsch, Ritz, and I talk about how advancing the positive and creating PCEs helps organizations identify best practices and grow, and supports community transformation, ultimately fostering mental health by helping prevent multigenerational isolation, addiction, abuse — adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).
Identifying, focusing on, lifting up, and scaling the positive can help create systems change.
Jeff Linkenbach, PhD, a research scientist, created the frameworks of the Science of the Positive and Positive Community Norms. He is the founding director of The Montana Institute. His frameworks are being implemented across North America by federal, tribal, state, and local organizations to achieve positive community change and transformation with public health issues such as child maltreatment, substance abuse, injury prevention, and traffic safety. Linkenbach has worked with, among other organizations, The White House, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA), The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, The Canadian Agricultural Safety Association, Harvard University, The Carter Center, and The National Football League.
Carla Ritz, Managing Director of The Montana Institute, is a longtime child welfare advocate and applies the Science of the Positive in communities across the country.
Sharon Hirsch is the president and CEO of Positive Childhood Alliance-NC (PCA-NC), the North Carolina chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America. Hirsch will discuss how shifting the organization’s focus—and even its name—to emphasize creating flourishing children and families has fueled growth, engagement, and impact across the state.
Register now to learn how a strengths-based approach can help your organization thrive!
Save the date: April 24, 2025, 12:00 PM ET – Register Now!
Members of PACEs Connection are invited, at no charge, to register now and attend Scars to STARs Day (STARs Day), a free annual global event supporting survivors of toxic abusive relationships on Friday, May 16 from 9 a.m. – 5:45 p.m.
STARs stands for Survivors of Toxic Abusive Relationships, and the STARNetwork offers free, regularly-scheduled and anonymous online recovery meetings via TARANON, as well as this annual event to all seeking to learn about and recover from toxic abusive relationships.
Event organizers say the virtual gathering is “STAR Network’s gift to the world for Mental Health Awareness Month.”
The Hon. Patrick J. Kennedy will keynote the event, and will be joined by a slate of internationally-recognized leaders in mental and addiction health who are bringing the importance of recognizing the impact of toxic abusive relationships across the lifespan, and in all corners of our lives.
Event organizer and founder of the STARNetwork, Jaime Huysman, PhD, who is also the chief compassion officer of WellMed Medical Management, says he wants to highlight the vital focus of trauma-informed recovery in the areas of attachment disorders and narcissistic abuse.
The day’s speakers and schedule of events are as follows:
9:00 a.m. – 9:45 am. Networking and Virtual Expo Hall Opens
This is a great opportunity to explore the expo hall’s exhibitor booths and connect to sponsors with valuable resources. Learn from industry leaders’ innovative programs to inspire collaboration and action through the day.
Kicking off the second Annual Scars to STARs Day, Dr. Jamie Huysman will set the stage with an overview of the day’s schedule, event goals, and key themes. This welcome address will highlight the power of resilience, connection, and transformation, ensuring attendees are prepared for an inspiring and impactful day ahead.
Jamie Huysman, PsyD, LCSW STAR Network Foundation Founder, Executive Director
10:00 am -10:45 am A Cult of One – Reclaiming Your Identity After Trauma
Trauma strips away our sense of self, leaving us lost, powerless, and disconnected. Richard Grannon guides attendees toward reclaiming personal identity and authenticity after trauma through psychological insights and practical strategies. Learn skills to break free from limiting narratives, rebuild self-trust, and step into your own power.
Richard Grannon STAR Network Foundation International Ambassador
10:45 am –11:00 am Networking Break – Visit the Virtual Expo Hall
Re-energize and decompress with your fellow attendees by grabbing a snack, visiting our virtual exhibitor booths, connecting with sponsors, exploring available resources, or resetting your neuro-system. Come back refreshed and renewed!
11:00 am –11:45 am Reimagine Mental Health: Bridging Innovation, Education, and Access
Mental health care is evolving, but are we keeping up? Marjorie Morrison explores innovative, educational, and digital solutions to bridge the gap between access and treatment. Drawing from her career as a clinician, entrepreneur, and advocate, her strategies for transforming the mental health landscape in support of individuals and communities.
Marjorie Morrison, LMFT, LPCC SHRM Executive in Residence for Mental Health
11:45 am – 12:30 pm Lunch and Networking Break – Welcome Back to the Virtual Expo Hall
Relax, grab lunch, and enjoy this networking opportunity! Visit exhibitor booths, connect with sponsors, explore resources, engage in meaningful conversations, exchange ideas, and build connections that will extend beyond the day.
Doug Tieman, STAR Network Board Chair and leader in addiction recovery and behavioral health, introduces this year’s keynote speaker – The Honorable Patrick J. Kennedy. Drawing on decades of experience in treatment advocacy and policy reform, Tieman will set the stage for Kennedy’s powerful address on transforming mental health treatment.
Doug Tieman STAR Network Foundation Chairman of the Board
12:45 pm – 1:30 pm Keynote Address – Profiles in Mental Health Courage
Our Scars to STARs Day keynote speaker, Patrick J. Kennedy, will deliver a moving trauma-informed message of resilience, hope, and transformation. Drawing from Profiles in Mental Health Courage, he will share inspiring stories of people emerging from addiction and mental illness – turning pain into purpose, hell into heaven, and victims into STARs in a fragmented healthcare world.
Hon. Patrick J. Kennedy The Kennedy Forum Co-Founder
1:30 pm – 2:15 pm Sip and Shine Break – Come Back to the Virtual Expo Hall
Relax, have a cup of coffee, and enjoy this networking opportunity! Visit exhibitor booths, connect with sponsors, explore resources, engage in meaningful conversations, exchange ideas, and build connections that will extend beyond the day.
2:15 pm – 3:00 pm From Crisis to Change: Rethinking Social Media for the Next Generation
Social media plays a powerful role in shaping young minds – but at what cost? Jennifer Libby – seasoned trauma informed psychotherapist and youth advocate – explores the urgent need for healthier, and more responsible digital spaces. Jen will also talk about social media effects on teen mental health, harmful online content, and prioritizing well-being for future generations from a neuro-safe perspective.
Jennifer Libby, MSW, LCSW Promly Psychotherapist, Founder, Speaker and Changemaker
3:00 pm – 3:15 pmHydrate and Elevate – Rise, Refresh, and Visit the Virtual Expo Hall
Pause, stretch, and recharge as we prepare for our final sessions. Grab paper and pen – you won’t want to miss the insights and takeaways from our Q&A session and closing remarks with our own Dr. Jamie, reflecting on today’s discussions.
3:15 pm –3:30 pm Introducing Equidelics – Powered by STAR Network
Take a sneak peek at Equidelics – a groundbreaking fusion of equine therapy and psychoactive healing. This innovative approach empowers survivors, fostering emotional restoration, resilience, and renewed strength. By harnessing the wisdom of horses alongside cutting-edge therapeutic techniques, individuals can transcend depression, anxiety, and trauma – unlocking a profound path to healing and transformation.
George M. Rapier III, M.D. WellMed Medical Management Founder, CEO
Giselle Faubel PsyD Equidelics Executive Producer
3:30 pm – 4:15 pm Q&A Session – Candid Responses on Mental Health, Addiction, and the Role of Trauma Recovery
Questions posed from attendees from our STARs Day event provide the impetus for an engaging and insightful fireside chat where Richard Grannon, Doug Tieman, and Dr. Jamie Huysman will answer with trauma-informed honesty, expertise, and real-world experience.
Richard Grannon STAR Network Foundation International Ambassador
Jamie Huysman, PsyD, LCSW STAR Network Foundation Founder, Executive Director
Doug Tieman STAR Network Foundation Chairman of the Board
4:15 pm – 4:45 pm From Scars to STARs – A Roadmap and a Global Call for Healing and Advocacy
To conclude STARs Day, Dr. Jamie will weave together our speakers’ powerful insights around themes of identity, innovation, digital responsibility, education, and policy advocacy. He will show how to turn knowledge into action, trauma into triumph, and pain into purpose. This session will leave you inspired and empowered to continue your healing journey and recovery to break the cycles of intergenerational trauma.
Jamie Huysman, PsyD, LCSW STAR Network Foundation Founder, Executive Director
4:45 pm – 5:30 pm Network in the Virtual Expo Hall
Take advantage of this final opportunity to visit exhibitor booths, connect with sponsors, and engage with fellow attendees. Explore valuable resources, foster meaningful connections, and continue the conversations that will inspire action beyond today.Use this opportunity to reset your neuro-system.
Register now and attend Scars to STARs Day (STARs Day), a free annual global event supporting survivors of toxic abusive relationships on Friday, May 16 from 9 a.m. – 5:45 p.m.
“When we prioritize early relational health and Neuro-Nurturing, we equip parents and support persons to become the child’s first and strongest protective factor. A regulated, emotionally healthy caregiver fosters deeper bonds and richer interactions, laying the groundwork for how a child learns, loves, and thrives for a lifetime.” — Demetrius Geiger, MPH, program manager, CHC: Creating Healthier Communities.
Join leaders in healthcare, social services, nonprofit organizations, government, coalitions, and faith communities, along with funders from government and philanthropic organizations supporting systems change to learn how scaling up ecosystems to support early relational health Neuro-Nurturing practices can help an entire populations of babies start on a trajectory to good health, wellbeing, and literacy.
“This is a long-term strategy for improving population health, mental, and overall community health,” said InsightFormation president Bill Barberg, who is a speaker and primary planner of the webinar.
“A baby’s brain develops rapidly from birth, with early experiences playing a crucial role influencing lifelong health and wellbeing or challenges with relationships, trust, and focus. It’s vital for child- and family-serving organizations to help community members understand the importance of Neuro-Nurturing, so they’re more willing to help create supportive environments. This webinar will help community leaders achieve that goal,” said Barberg.
Who should attend:
Academics seeking to translate research into action
Leaders of child- and family-serving nonprofit organizations
Elected officials or appointed leaders
Obstetricians, pediatricians, and healthcare professionals working with Maternal & Child Health
Medicaid, CHIP, health plan leaders, children’s health advocates
Health system leaders and staff working on value-based care, population health and prevention
Midwives, doulas, early education and care professionals
Grant recipients who want to excel at accomplishing what they’ve been funded for
Consultants and Technical Assistance (TA) providers
People working on Substance Abuse and suicide prevention
Leaders and staff of literacy coalitions or student success coalitions
Volunteers who want to help create a brighter future.
“This webinar emphasizes proactive Neuro-Nurturing as a vital intervention for infant neurodevelopment and early relational health,” said Deborah McNelis, M.Ed., author of “The First 60 Days: The Most Influential Days of Infant Brain Development”, who will highlight how early experiences shape lifelong health. Beatrice Beebe, PhD, Psychologist at Columbia University Department of Psychiatry and New York State Psychiatric Institute, will share curated videos — including one of a 10-minute old infant already mimicking his father — demonstrating the the importance of parent-infant attunement.
In a proven example of scaling successful strategies for maternal and child health, Demetrius Geiger, MPH, program manager for CHC: Creating Healthier Communities (CHC), will share about the impact of CHC’s Black Birthing Initiative.
Christina Bethell, Ph.D., MBA, MPH, the Director of the Child & Adolescent Health Measurement Initiative (CAHMI) and public health professor at Johns Hopkins University will share frameworks and tools such as the Well Visit Planner, that show how to integrate Neuro-Nurturing and Whole Child Health Policy into healthcare systems across a state.
Bill Barberg, population health and system change expert, will share valuable approaches to implementing pragmatic, collaborative strategies for achieving positive impact at a community scale, highlighting strategies for engaging fathers in Neuro-Nurturing. Barberg is also founder of the Population Health Learning Collaborative.
Joshua Liston Zawadi, founder of Dad Doula University, will share his approach for engaging fathers in the birthing journey and in supporting early childhood development.
The webinar will be moderated by Carey Sipp, webinar convener, director of nonprofit partnerships for CHC: Creating Healthier Communities, and volunteer director of strategic partnerships for PACEs Connection.
“This webinar promises to engage participants with expert insights and actionable strategies. We are thrilled to have assembled these nationally recognized leaders dedicated to early relational health, systems change, and child and parent advocacy for this event,” said Sipp.
Meeting with the newly-formed PACEs Connection advisory board are (L-R) Allen Tien, MD; Carey Sipp and Dana Brown who are leading the PACEs Connection revitalization effort; (Second Row) Andi Fetzner, LPC, PsyD; Gail Kennedy, MPH; Dave Ellis; Craig Beswick, MA; (Third Row) Jesse Kohler, MPA candidate and National Prevention Science Coalition to Improve Lives (NPSC) liaison to PACEs Connection; Iya Affo, Certified Trauma Therapist; and Cendie Stanford, M.Ed.
A national advisory board for PACEs Connection met mid-May for the first time amidst ongoing efforts to revitalize the social networking site and raise funds necessary to keep the network going beyond June 30, 2025. There is an immediate need (as of June 8, 2025) for $3200 by June 30 to pay for the learning management system platform Crowdstack, where PACEs Connection and its 450 sub-communities live. Donate HERE to help meet this urgent challenge. (Note: All donations are tax-deductible and are made to our fiscal sponsor, the National Prevention Science Coalition to Improve Lives [NPSCoalition.org]).
“We’re thrilled to announce the formation of the national advisory board, a step toward the revitalization of PACEs Connection that began last September, when the social networking site was rehomed with the National Prevention Science Coalition as the fiscal sponsor,” said Dana Brown, who has partnered with fellow former PACEs Connection employee Carey Sipp in volunteering to lead the revitalization effort.
Members of the newly formed national advisory board are
“We are profoundly grateful for the wisdom and lived experiences of these subject matter experts in their respective fields, and are thrilled to have benefit of their enthusiastic support as we nurture the future of PACEs Connection,” said Brown.
PACEs Connection Member Survey – Your Response Requested
All members of PACEs Connection are invited to participate in the PACEs Connection member survey. Responses-to-date have been shared with national advisory board members. Plans are to share survey results in a subsequent post in the coming weeks.
“We appreciate the time and care of members who have completed the survey, and thank you in advance to those of you who will add your invaluable insights by completing the survey now,” said Brown.
“As we manifest the revitalization of PACEs Connection, we are indebted to all of you – our members – as you continue to add blog posts, share upcoming training and community events, share out posts on social media, and lift each other up, amplifying the all the heart-centered work you’re leading on behalf of countless children, youth, families and Elders in our communities,” said Brown.
Can a 10-minute-old-baby actually learn something?
Can such a new and tiny being figure out “I’m like you and you’re like me?”
Beatrice Beebe, PhD, Columbia University and New York State Psychological Institute psychologist, shares research showing that babies can imitate expressions at 10-minutes-old!
“Early infancy is a critical developmental period,” says Dr. Beebe.
We’ll be sharing more of her video and wisdom in our Neuro-Nuturing: Advancing Powerful Strategies for Lifelong Health and Black Birthing and Decade of the Child Initiatives webinar this Thursday!
Join us May 22 from Noon – 12:30 p.m. ET for this free CHC: Creating Healthier Communities CHC University webinar featuring internationally-recognized subject-matter experts in early relational health.
🌎 How important is this information to the health of your organization? Your community? Our nation? The world?
🧠 How can learning more about how a baby’s brain develops help you and your team create healthier communities?
💕 Join us and learn how and why early relational health is the foundation of emotional, mental, and physical health and wellbeing — for improved lifelong health and wellbeing — and how an infant’s experiences literally shape the architecture of his or her brain for future trust, curiosity, ability to connect and relate, or, conversely, be more likely to experience fear, mistrust, and isolation.
We’ll also explore strategies for your organization, faith community, health care system, child- and family-serving organization to create and leverage “Neuro-Nurturing Ecosystems”, and engage more fathers in the birthing journey and early relational health.
“This webinar emphasizes proactive Neuro-Nurturing as a vital intervention for infant neurodevelopment and early relational health,” said Deborah McNelis, M.Ed., author of “The First 60 Days: The Most Influential Days of Infant Brain Development”, who will highlight how early experiences shape lifelong health. Curated videos by Beatrice Beebe, PhD, Psychologist at Columbia University Department of Psychiatry and New York State Psychiatric Institute, will be shared — including one of a 10-minute old infant already mimicking his father — demonstrating the the importance of parent-infant attunement.
In a proven example of scaling successful strategies for maternal and child health, Demetrius Geiger, MPH, program manager for CHC: Creating Healthier Communities (CHC), will share about the impact of CHC’s Black Birthing Initiative.
Christina Bethell, Ph.D., MBA, MPH, the Director of the Child & Adolescent Health Measurement Initiative (CAHMI) and public health professor at Johns Hopkins University will share frameworks and tools such as the Well Visit Planner, that show how to integrate Neuro-Nurturing and Whole Child Health Policy into healthcare systems across a state.
Bill Barberg, population health and system change expert, will share valuable approaches to implementing pragmatic, collaborative strategies for achieving positive impact at a community scale, highlighting strategies for engaging fathers in Neuro-Nurturing. Barberg is also founder of the Population Health Learning Collaborative.
Joshua Liston Zawadi,founder of Dad Doula University, will share his approach for engaging fathers in the birthing journey and in supporting early childhood development.
The webinar will be moderated by Carey Sipp, webinar convener, director of nonprofit partnerships for CHC: Creating Healthier Communities, and volunteer director of strategic partnerships for PACEs Connection.
“This webinar promises to engage participants with expert insights and actionable strategies. We are thrilled to have assembled these nationally recognized leaders dedicated to early relational health, systems change, and child and parent advocacy for this event,” said Sipp.
We’re thrilled to announce that we’ve met our immediate funding deadline to keep PACEs Connection up and running while work continues toward creating a plan for long-term sustainability.
“We” is Dana Brown and me, Carey Sipp. We have been running PACEs Connection as volunteers for the last 14 months.
“We are deeply grateful for each and every contribution that has brought us to this point, and especially to our fiscal sponsor, the National Prevention Science Coalition to Improve Lives, which gave this social networking site safe harbor after it was sunset in April, 2024”, said Brown.
“Meeting this funding milestone is another beginning. We are actively working on long-term sustainability strategies for PACEs Connection and have more exciting news to share in the near future,” she added.
There are still expenses to meet and donations are still absolutely needed. We are just wanting our donors, members, and friends to know that thanks to the generosity of several donors in the last three weeks, and in particular one $1000 gift and another for $3600, the social networking site is safe for now,” said Brown.
(Activation warning. This is a first-person opinion piece sharing my thoughts on toxic abusive relationships [TAR] and a relatively new 12-step program,TAR Anon, which offers free, solution-oriented, acceptance-based, and psychologically-safe Zoom meetings from 6-7 PM ET on Mondays and Wednesdays, and from 12 Noon-1 PM ET on Fridays. This is a warning regarding potentially activating language, so you can choose whether or not you wish to continue reading. Further, I extend the activation warning to the program’sTAR Tales, where TAR Anon members share their stories.)
If there are adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) in your past, chances are good that you’ve been in a relationship with what Dr. Jamie Huysman, creator of the rapidly-growing 12-step program TAR Anon (Toxic Abusive Relationships Anonymous), calls a toxic abuser.
Huysman, a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) and psychologist, is the founder and executive director of STAR Network Foundation, Inc., a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization which incudes TAR Anon® and several other programs.
The STAR Network™ is rising in myriad ways.
Hearing Huysman speak regularly in TAR Anon meetings since being introduced to him about six weeks ago, it’s clear to me that he lives the organization’s mission to educate, energize, and empower people by giving them access to programs such as TAR Anon.
Meeting Huysman’s team, attending the two-year-old STAR Network’s “Scars to STARs” global online conference in May, and seeing the impressive list of the organization’s allies provides further evidence of the energy and gravitas backing the campaign to raise worldwide awareness of and treatment for the millions of people “whose emotional reality has been distorted by TAR”.
Also heavily involved is mental health advocate, author, and former U.S. Congressman Patrick Kennedy, who delivered the keynote address at Scars to STARs Day. During his speech, Kennedy – who grew up with the trauma and tragedy of losing to two high-profile uncles to assassinations, family addictions including his mother’s alcoholism, and the intensity of a father who advocated for mental health parity while at the same time self-medicating his grief with alcohol – writes and speaks passionately about his own struggles with bipolar disorder and substance abuse.
This is NOT to say that all people with mental illness or substance abuse disorder are or become toxic abusers. Far from it. Though it has been my experience – and well documented in research and reporting – that when people are depressed, anxious, at the effect of a substance or addictive behaviors, or are experiencing the challenges of mental illness, harsh words, neglect, and addictive behaviors can be among the consequences faced by the troubled person with regard to their own self-talk, as well as proximate family members and friends.
What pushes irritability and lack of awareness of the impact of one’s negative behavior into a diagnosis such as narcissism, borderline personality disorder, or Cluster B personality, as defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder, 5th Edition (DSM-5) is a more consistent, pervasive, and intentional pattern of hurtful actions and personality traits that significantly impact relationships and the well-being of others.
TAR Anon is raising awareness of the prevalence of and solutions for these challenges.
Huysman shares in TAR Anon meetings that globally, approximately one-in-eight people have a personality disorder. Estimates in the U.S. are higher, with reports varying between being 10-15%. Regardless of the diagnosis assigned to the abuser, in the 12-Step TAR Anon meetings, the person in recovery from abuse is the most important person in the room.
As a person with an ACE score of nine, I can legitimately say there have been some toxic abusers in my life. I have been in therapy for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) off and on for many years, and have the entire alphabet soup of different treatment methodologies in my recovery from early and ongoing relational trauma. My toolbox includes CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), IFS (Internal Family Systems Therapy), years of neurofeedback, two rounds of trans-cranial magnetic stimulation, countless hours of meditation, and a litany of different anonymous programs I will not share to protect my own anonymity, and the sanctity of the programs themselves.
With TAR Anon being a meeting ground for people from many different programs, or none, and toxic abusive relationships being evident in so many public places in our lives today, I am sharing information about this program and my involvement in it for the greater good.
Further, as TAR Anon is also a relapse prevention model that works well as a complement to all other 12-step programs, it can be used as a great primary or companion program.
Out of respect for the privacy of all people, and because dwelling on the past can be its own form of abuse, my toxic abusers will not be mentioned. It’s how I respond to myself and to them that is the most important aspect of this recovery.
Among the most important lessons learned from years of recovery and realizations that come with it, is that as an adult, I am not a victim and that my brain, and I, can change!
Looking back and realizing that even as a little kid I chose toxic friends, I see that the last 20 years have been way different and have given me great hope. Among the realizations that helped me change my thinking was learning that the brain has neuroplasticity — the ability to change throughout life.
This knowledge was and is incredibly freeing. I’ve seen the positive impact of changing my thought patterns, seeing clearly that I wasn’t stuck with the brain I was born with or had trained, as an infant and child by circumstance, to expect toxic inconsistency and unpredictability.
I learned to reparent myself and accept life-changing healing and support. Changing thought patterns is healing and life-changing, and many of the books, workbooks, and practices that have been so helpful to me over years of self-care are listed as resources in the thrice-weekly TAR Anon meetings, including The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, MD, and Complex PTSD, From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker.
I’ve also learned through years of therapy, recovery, neurofeedback, meditation, journaling, being in community with sane people who love me, purposeful work I love, exercise, singing in choirs, spirituality, reparenting myself, parenting my children, and spending time in nature, that these resiliency boosters and the right dose of an antidepressant have helped me rewire my brain.
I am now much better at discerning and avoiding toxic people and relationships. The best part of this shift is developing a growth mindset, which has actually helped me attract the kind of people and opportunities that bring me joy and healthy relationships.
Had TAR Anon existed years ago, I might have learned much of this sooner, not had to do so much research, and could have saved many thousands of dollars in therapy.
It is also said that TAR Anon is the only 12-step program whose primary purpose is to help people recover from attachment disorders and CPTSD.
Other important messages I believe one can take from the TAR Anon meetings:
For most toxic abusers, it’s not their fault. They may have been born into homes where inconsistency, lack of nurturing, unpredictable care, domestic violence, mental illness, substance abuse, physical, verbal, or sexual abuse, neglect, or the death or loss of a parent – resulted in their own anxious, preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, or fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment styles.
This toxic environment led them to adapt to survive. Adaptations could include, but are not limited to manipulation, dishonesty, abuse, cruelty, and/or addictions to substances or behaviors. They may have seen their parents and caregivers model changing roles as persecutors, rescuers, and victims. The childhood adaptations that helped them survive made it harder for them to attach in a healthy way. That attachment style followed them into adulthood, where it wreaked havoc on the abuser themselves as well as the people with whom they had relationships.
And guess what? The same could be said for most victims of toxic abusers.
Sadly, to feel safe, many of us who grew up in chaos subconsciously recreate the familiar, even if what we are recreating is toxic.
Many of us reared in toxic environments fell into the abuser-rescuer-victim cycle until we got some help recognizing the pattern. If help was not available, we might have become or married alcoholics, become gamblers, spenders, workaholics, hoarders, or the type of over-achiever who lands in the hospital from exhaustion, illness, or an epic burnout. I’ve been there.
In over 31 years of 12-step work, I learned early on to take an inventory of my resentments and fears, seeking for my part in any situation where I had a conflict, and looking for the pattern of my behavior so I could help disrupt it. I have also learned the value of accepting input from others to disrupt destructive behavior patterns.
Gratefully, I also learned this in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) decades ago. In it, I was able to look at a situation and separate my thoughts, feelings, body sensations, and actions IN WRITING, so I didn’t collapse a story and miss the way I allowed my thoughts to create my emotions, the way I felt, and the way I reacted instead of responded. It’s true that if we knew how powerful our thoughts are, we would be very careful about what we choose to think about, or allow into our precious minds.
TAR Anon can help accelerate learning about complex or childhood post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) in an anonymous and psychologically-safe online environment, with caring and TAR Anon-trained meeting facilitators. TAR Anon leaders and attendees are people who are there to listen and support each other.
TAR Anon meetings teach us that we repeat behavioral patterns from early, insecure attachments because it is what we know – and on some level, it feels safe. Even sleeping on broken glass can feel familiar and safe if that is what you knew as an infant and child. In meetings, though, we see how we need to form new behaviors to leave destructive behaviors behind. Learning and forming new behaviors may come through “aha” moments – feeling emotions, learning to love ourselves, and recognizing and avoiding toxic people. These are steps on the path to greater well-being.
Among the saddest facts I’ve learned from studying ACEs science, the science of positive childhood experiences (PCEs), and early relational health, is that children living in emotionally toxic environments (what I call toxic intensity) will often learn adaptive behaviors to survive. Some of the behaviors that can become “hardwired” in infants and children include:
disassociating or disappearing themselves to avoid attracting the attention of an abuser;
becoming a caretaker and/or protector of a perpetrator or perpetrators;
people-pleasing to avoid conflict or punishment;
overachieving and perfectionism designed to evoke positive attention and praise;
eating for comfort and gaining weight and/or developing anorexia or bulimia to have a sense of control and/or to avoid attracting – consciously or subconsciously – sexual advances; or
becoming controlling and manipulative to create a sense of safety or being in control.
With early childhood trauma (ages zero to three), and no experience of consistent nurture, the developing brain can be so harmed by the toxic stress hormones of cortisol and adrenaline that its function and structure are affected. Some infants and toddlers are actually wired to be fearful, distrustful, isolating, and chaos-seeking instead of being trusting, curious, and connection-seeking. This is why I advocate for, write, and speak so much about the need for early relational health as the basis of health and well-being across the lifespan, and share this seminal video of Bruce Perry, MD, with “What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing” co-author Oprah Winfrey.
Though it is infinitely better to prevent toxic abuse by supporting pregnant women and new mothers and caregivers, their infants, and children to receive “neuro-nurturing” there is hope that people who have struggled with negative effects from a toxic childhood can find help and can change thought patterns. Factors are so variable though — severity of trauma, the environment, access to support and a sense of safety, exposure to positive childhood experiences, and on and on — one cannot make generalities about who can make such changes and to what degree. I only know what has worked for me and helped to lift me from multi-generational depression, abuse, and addiction, “one day at a time” dependent on my self and spiritual care.
The Hope of Recovery
I do believe there is hope for people who grew up in abuse as well as abusers who find their way into a 12-Step program, become willing to work a program, and who grow in the safety and acceptance of the program’s participants, because I have experienced and witnessed this over many years.
People can realize positive shifts in personality from programs including, but not limited to:
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) can help people who abuse substances see how their substance abuse affects their lives, families, and careers, and learn how to live “happy, joyous, and free” lives without the substance;
Adult Children of Alcoholics can help people who have grown up in relationships with addicted persons learn to reparent themselves by recognizing and practicing healthy behaviors (ACOA’s Yellow Workbook is terrific; working it with a friend from the program can be a game-changer.);
Al-Anon and Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) can provide guidance and support for those in relationships with people who are addicted to substances or behaviors; or
Other anonymous groups addressing sex/love/romance addiction, over-spending, over-eating, and gambling can help abusers understand how these maladaptive behaviors may have started generations ago.
(Note: Addiction is often linked to likely epigenetic and genetic factors. In the interest of space and time, I am not addressing that topic here.)
As stated previously, I’ve been a member of multiple 12-Step programs; one for more than 30 years. Through the years the comfort, safety, security, friendships, and reparenting these programs have offered have helped me to rewire my brain. They have inspired and fueled me toward the designation I am most proud of in my life, that of Cycle Breaker.
I also believe the childbirth education (the Bradley Method) and early relational health support from the La Leche League I had, along with parenting classes, decades of therapy, journaling, 12-step meetings, and being blessed to have two precious children whom I swore would not grow up in the same toxic intensity as my brother and me, put me on the path to follow the steps I wrote about in my book, The TurnAround Mom: How an Abuse and Addiction Survivor Stopped the Toxic Cycle for Her Family – and How You Can, Too!
At the behest of one of the editors of this blog post, I am sharing a bit about my book. Its chapter titles offer a glimpse at some reparenting advice that worked for me, and incorporate so much of what I’ve learned over the years and attempted to crystalize and share in the book. I believe they also fit with what is being shared in TAR Anon. (Note: I don’t receive any income from the book and encourage you, if you wish to purchase it, to buy it used.)
Live a Life of Extreme Self-Care
Build a Strong Support Structure
Create a Sane and Strong Family Life
Establish and Keep Strong Boundaries
Make Better Decisions
Spend Your Precious Resources Wisely – Energy, Time, Money
Attract Healthy Relationships
Avoid Toxic Intensity
Practice Peace: Rushing is Abusive
Honor Your Family’s Future
All of this is to say: We don’t have to pass toxic behaviors on to our children. People can change. And I believe TAR Anon is a tool that can help anyone who has experienced ACEs begin a healing journey.
I believe that TAR Anon and the many programs the STAR Network is advancing can accelerate the change we want to see. And I believe this work will resonate with many here on PACEs Connection.
While I wish TAR Anon had been around earlier, I’m glad it’s here now and am thrilled to share it and reiterate that it meets online three times a week:
Mondays and Wednesdays from 6:00 – 7:00 PM Eastern Time and
Fridays from 12:00 Noon – 1:00 PM Eastern Time
While meetings are free, just as in any other 12-step meeting STAR Network Foundation accepts and gently encourages donations. The foundation is a 501 (c) (3) organization, so gifts are tax-deductible.
While attendees are required to register to join the virtual meetings, they do not have to share their real name or appear on video. Meetings are anonymous, and anonymity is practiced as an integral part of this program of recovery.
One final bonus to these meetings, and one that has been incredibly helpful to me.
Each meeting closes with breath work to help calm the central nervous system and help it go from the reactive, flight-fight-freeze-fawn state to a state of rest and digest, wherein we can access our thinking brain and not be run by our emotions. Instead, after just four rounds of breathing in for four seconds, holding the breath for seven seconds, and then blowing the breath out hard through the mouth for eight seconds — about 80 seconds in all — the nervous system and body shift to the “parasympathetic” or more relaxed state. The extended exhale helps slow the heart rate, lower blood pressure, and quiet the mind.
I know it has been a help to me. Since I started attending the meetings and practicing the 4-7-8 breath work, chronic painful stomach issues that have plagued me most of my life have lessened greatly.
Additional resources below include TAR Anon’s 12 steps, promises, and several of the videos found on the STAR Network Foundation’s Instagram page. New animations are added frequently.
Author’s note: According to the National Institute on Aging, each year hundreds of thousands of older Americans are abused. Further, we at PACEs Connection have long covered and lifted up the cause of preventing elder abuse and abuse of the millions of family and paid caregivers.
With spending cuts to Medicaid and Medicare, this topic and concerns about healthy aging in community are more important than ever.
I’m privileged to host this webinar next Thursday, and hope you will join me for the panel discussion moderated by veteran journalist Richard Lui, who is also a best-selling author and an award-winning filmmaker and documentarian.
Join CHC: Creating Healthier Communities for a high-level, solutions-driven conversation on how national nonprofits are supporting healthier aging by empowering local communities. Moderated by award-winning journalist and author Richard Lui (NBC/MSNBC), this dynamic session brings together executive leaders from three nationally recognized organizations:
Dr. Carl Hill, Chief Diversity, Inclusion & Engagement Officer, Alzheimer’s Association
Gerald Johnson, EVP, Bernard J. Tyson Office of Health & Chief Culture Officer, American Heart Association
Deirdre McGinley-Gieser, Chief Strategy and Impact Officer, Meals on Wheels AmericaPanelists will share how their organizations are advancing community-based efforts and building systems that support aging with dignity and health. With time for guided discussion and curated audience questions, this session is designed to offer both big-picture insights and practical strategies.
This dynamic event marks the kickoff of CHC’s new webinar series on healthy aging, sponsored by AARP. Join us for practical strategies, real-world success stories, and curated insights to power your organization’s impact.
Richard Lui shown with his father, Stephen, who died of Alzheimer’s disease in 2021.
Journalist Richard Lui, who will moderate the panel discussion, was also a caretaker for his father, Stephen, for 10 years. Lui traveled from New York to San Francisco several times a month during that time, while also working as a breaking news anchor for MSNBC, where he still a news anchor.
Editor’s note: It is with a heavy heart that Dana Brown and I share this information about our beloved former staff member of PACEs Connection, and friend, Elizabeth Prewitt.
Elizabeth and PACEs Connection founder Jane Stevens were lifelong friends and colleagues and would likely say their work together at PACEs was among the best they did.
We invite you to share remembrances of Elizabeth in space below this story. Together, we remember her determination, commitment to journalistic excellence, her fierce love of her children and her marriage, her love of books, yoga, community, and her grandchildren.
Washington Post – August 31, 2025 — Family-provided obituary — Elizabeth Harner Prewitt died on the morning of Tuesday, August 26, 2025 with her daughter and husband by her side at home in Washington, DC. Born in Lexington, Kentucky, she was 77 years old.
Employing skills gained during a five-decade career in government relations and advocacy, Elizabeth devoted much energy in the last five years of her life to learning and teaching members of the Mount Pleasant Village about the options that can be exercised as the end of life approaches. Her own final days became a lesson in clear planning and acceptance of death’s place in life’s arc.
Elizabeth’s start in Washington came in the office of Congressman Phil Ruppe of Michigan, who gave her a job when she arrived in the capital fresh out of the University of Kentucky. Eventually earning a Master’s degree from George Washington University, Elizabeth went on to work in government relations for the American Institute of Architects, the American College of Physicians, and the National Association of State Mental Health Program Directors. Her last professional position was as a writer and advocate for PACES Connection, working to increase knowledge about and demand for programs and policies aimed at preventing adverse childhood experiences and building resilience in individuals, systems, families, and communities.
The secret to Elizabeth’s professional standing and the love her family, friends, and neighbors felt for her was a rare combination of deep concern for others, gentle thoughtfulness, and a true moral compass. She loved living in Washington and, especially, the Mount Pleasant neighborhood, her home for the last decade and a half of her life. When the brain tumor that killed her was diagnosed, she was relieved to be facing a quick end, as she was grateful for the life she had led and wanted to avoid a prolonged decline if she could. As courageous as it was to forgo intrusive and unpleasant treatment, her decision was an instinctive reflection of her deeply held values. She knew very well that not everyone had the options that came her way.
She is survived by her husband William Emmet and daughter Elizabeth Castaneda. Known as Nookie by her siblings and childhood acquaintances, Elizabeth leaves sisters Sallie Prewitt, Susan Goodrich, Patricia Prewitt, and brother John Prewitt, along with their spouses and their children, her nieces and nephews. She will be missed by her grandchildren Mateas and Tiago Castaneda, step-grandchildren Flora and August Emmet Stewart and Juno Emmet, and stepchildren Nicholas Emmet and Susanna Emmet.
A gathering in Elizabeth’s memory will be scheduled in the fall, and her family will inter her ashes in Lexington Cemetery in Kentucky. Donations in her memory can be made to a cause of your choice or to Mount Pleasant Village (mountpleasantvillage.org).
To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.
Published by The Washington Post on Aug. 31, 2025.
Carey Sipp 4/3/2510:00 PM
Jamie Huysman, PsyD, LCSW
Richard Grannon
Marjorie Morrison, LMFT, LPCC
Doug Tieman
Hon. Patrick J. Kennedy
Jennifer Libby, MSW, LCSW
George M. Rapier III, M.D.
Giselle Faubel PsyD
Carey Sipp 